Beautiful Obligations

Beauty in the normal

My wife died one month ago. I’m still early… very early… in the grief process. Still reeling. Still trying to get my brain around it. Still wrestling with all of the emotions that come with such a deep, profound loss.

A few weeks ago Michael Gurian and I, as a part of our Wonder of Parenting Podcast, did a two-week look at grief. Michael lost his wife, Gail, to cancer almost three years ago. So the podcast featured the perspective of one just hit by loss (me) and one having lived with it for a few years (Michael).

During the podcast on When a Grandparent Dies, we talked about the challenge parents have when they lose a parent, their kids lose a grandparent, and their parent loses a spouse.

I’ve been there a few times.

During the recording Michael used the phrase, Beautiful Obligations. In the context, these are the things the must be attended to, no matter our grief and loss, from kids to grandkids to friendships to household duties to work. At times they can feel like obligations, but because they offer life and a sense of the normal when nothing is normal anymore, they become Beautiful.

In some ways, they become a life-line.

Years ago after our beagle died, I encouraged Jan to take a while before we got a new dog. I loved our beagle (and her dachshund brother who died before her) but when you travel, as we did, it’s hard to find dog sitters for weeks at a time.

Jan waited a few days!

A few months later we brought home two long-haired dachshunds, Raifa and Roxie. Brother and sister. Roxie is the runt of the litter so she doesn’t really look like a dachshund but her brother Raif sure does.

These dogs love me. But they really loved Jan. And in the last two weeks of her life, they were by her side every moment of every day. I told Jan I was so grateful she made that decision 10 years ago.

Now, they are by my side. And they have kept me sane. They are my companions in the loneliness and quietness of the house. They are the ones I talk to. And, because they must be fed and tended to, they are my Beautiful obligations.

The same can be said for filling the bird feeders outside, a promise I made to my granddaughter because she knows how much Jan enjoyed watching the birds through the kitchen window and how delighted she was when lovebirds showed up.

Of course I have my kids and grandkids who give me the reason to get up in the morning.

And my writing.

And my walking/cycling/workouts.

These were all Beautiful obligations when Jan was still with me. But their beauty and power and normalcy have taken on a new meaning for me.

I’m guess what I’m trying to say is, cherish those Beautiful, wonder-filled, mundane obligations.

They are what life… real life… is all about.

**

Check out this new review of The Adventures of Toby Baxter-Book 5: The Revenge of the RiverHome Rootabeggas.

… What truly elevates this book, however, is its emotional core. Beneath the action and humor is a meaningful message about guarding our hearts against bitterness and hopelessness. The recurring compass themes throughout the series are especially powerful, and in this adventure the focus on HOPE gives young readers a memorable framework for facing life’s challenges…