Algorithms Can't Do This!
The Power of Parents and Grandparents
Last Saturday (August 2) I attended the memorial service of my son’s Father-in-Law, James. After a five-year battle with a rare form of cancer, he passed away a few weeks shy of his 66th birthday.
As I listened to what he meant to his wife, children, his grandchildren (with whom I share three of them!), his friends, and extended family, I was reminded again of the impact we parents and grandparents can have on our kids and grandkids.
It can be hard in this media-shaped, screen-based world, to believe that we can make a difference. The access our kids have today to influencers and celebrities, information and misinformation, presents real challenges to impacting our kids in ways previous generations didn’t have to deal with.
My grandkids know things as pre-teens that I didn’t know until I was an adult. And when I say, “know,” it doesn’t mean they understand.
And that’s the challenge for our kids and grandkids today. Knowing is one thing. Understanding, evaluating, and applying is a very different experience.
But observing the service on Saturday, I saw once again how important we are.
We parents and grandparents are the ones who pass along wisdom and understanding, values and world-view, love and support. We are the interpreters of life for our kids/grandkids in the words we speak, the actions we take, and the decisions we make.
We are the ones who can authentically look them in the eyes and say, “You are of incredible worth and value. You are loved. You will always be loved. You will always matter to me.”
No influencer or celebrity can do that.
I was a Chick-fil-a with my 16-year-old granddaughter. She moaned a bit when a few kids her age walked in. They were kids from her school. I asked why she groaned.
“Because I haven’t really done my hair and makeup…”
So I said, “Clover, I think you are always beautiful.”
“Aww, thank you Grandpa. But you have to say that because you’re my Grandpa.”
“I only say it if I mean it. And I think you are always beautiful! You have such a beautiful spirit about you!”
No algorithm can affirm the worth of my granddaughter that way.
I’m well into my grandpa years with five grandkids ranging from 16-10.
Over the last 16 years I’ve been as invested as I can be in my grandkids. I’m grateful they all live within 10 minutes of us.
I’ve also been creating legacy gifts for them. Tangible expressions of my love for them long after I’m gone.
Here are a couple of ideas for parents/grandparents to continue to impact your kids/grandkids long into the future:
A journal. I’m writing five separate journals, one for each grandchild. At least 2 times a year I write to them, in my own messy handwriting, updating them on the past several months and constantly affirming my love for them. My wife’s cancer, the loss of pets, trips to Disneyland and Hawaii, celebrating their shows or big sports plays, along with little random things, give them reminders of my time in their lives.
Jan and I spent a year responding to weekly prompts via Storyworth.com. The questions ranged from favorite books when we were kids to how we met to what High School was like to what our parents were like, enabling us to write a pretty complete story of our lives. We printed five books (one for each grandchild—assuming they’ll let their parents read it!) featuring my 52 answers and Jan’s 52 answers, along with pictures.
Building memories. This seems obvious, but I want my grandkids to be able to look back and say, “I remember when Grandpa…” Right now I’m training with my grandson, Judah (14) to walk the Disneyland Half Marathon. Jan is making Clover’s (16) Halloween costume and I’m teaching her to drive. I attend Phoenix’s (14) football games and challenge Deckor (11) to Uno battles. Up until last year, I was Mathilda’s (10) ride buddy at Disneyland. She’s now graduated to some of the rides I’m not sure I want to do anymore!
I have friends who hand-make things for the kids/grandkids, a skill I don’t have!
Memory boxes: Jan and I have been collecting stuff throughout the years for each of the grandkids, mementos of their growing up years.
Being a mom, dad, grandma, and/or grandpa, is sacred, good work. No one has the impact on our kids that we do.
So take that, Algorithm. Parents and Grandparents rule!
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This week, on The Wonder of Parenting Podcast, I interview Doug Lemov on the topic: Reading! It Does a Brain Good!